There’s something about a newly cleaned room that frees my soul from the clutter and anxiety that has been putting stress on my heart and mind.
After a couple weeks of extremely busy schedules, events, and trips with my youth, etc.. I was looking rough. After a staff meeting, one of my bosses came up to me and asked me how my soul was doing. Thinking about it, it was fine. I was still going, still persevering, still working toward another event that was happening later that week. However, if I were being honest, my soul had seen better days. He asked me how long it had been since I took some time to work all of the stress and anxiety out of my life. For him, he has to go on a run every night, or work out in some way, to get rid of the clutter in his soul. For other people it might be journaling, baking, or even shopping.
Since I was a little girl, I had the same routine that would clear the clutter from my soul. You know in movies when someone in an office is mad and they clear the desk by sliding everything off of it to the floor, super dramatically. That was me. After a super long day, probably mad about something my mom was right about but I didn’t want to admit or a TV show I was wayyyy too invested in and mourning someone who died or a couple that broke up (*cough* One Tree Hill *cough*), I would destroy my room. I would throw everything from my shelves, huffing and puffing, piling everything in the center of my room. I would go through it all rearranging, getting rid of the things I didn’t need, and cleaning along the way. Something about a fresh new room always gave my soul the rejuvenation and change of perspective that I needed.
And that’s exactly what I did.
I took an evening went through all of my clothes and began putting bags to the side for my sisters, friends, and goodwill. My roomies came downstairs like proud moms to see the work I did (and to get first dibbs at the clothes I was giving away). I dusted, pitched, dug through old memories. I tried my very best to cleanse, the only way I had ever known.
After a few days of feeling like I could breath again, there was some part of my soul that still felt dusty. As if there was still something that I couldn’t quite grasp, but desperately needed to dig through.
As the week went on, I began planning for our weekend lock-in and regular Wednesday programming. For as long as I can remember I’ve had to have something playing in the background to even be a little bit productive. As I was working, I came upon a podcast by Cross Point Church called, “Unsubscribe”. The teacher began to talk about how we all have a junk drawer. If we really think about it, you probably have AT LEAST one junk drawer in your house. Me? I probably have one per room. We all have a drawer for those miscellaneous things that don’t make sense anywhere else but that God given drawer that somehow fits all of the various assortment of items that just don’t have a place.
This drawer is full, and used pretty often. It’s a drawer that you don’t want anyone in your house to talk about – in fear that you might actually have to do something about the chaos. It’s the drawer that you don’t want your guests to see, but utilize so often that if you were to move, you would probably just dump the items into a box and make a new drawer in your new home.
We all have one. And often we truly believe that everyone has one, so it is acceptable.
As a kid I always was enthralled by King Solomon and his wisdom. I was intrigued with how intelligent and clever he had to be in order to rule a kingdom full of people of deceit, manipulation, liars, and even murders. I had always found interest with the idea that he could see past people’s brokenness to find righteousness and justice at the end of each story. In Proverbs 4, King Solomon talks about how our heart, body, and soul are led by our thoughts. That we have so much power in our thoughts to control our lives. How we think about ourselves, others, and God ultimately shapes how we live because: our thoughts shape our beliefs. And our beliefs shape our attitude. And our attitude shapes our actions. And our actions shape our habits. And our habits shape our character. And our character shapes our future.
And it got me thinking that maybe this is a lot like our junk drawers.
We all have those things that we think about that we never share with anyone. We all have those things that we think about that, sometimes, we don’t even want to admit to ourselves. We all have those thoughts that we know don’t belong to how we should be thinking. For some reason they’re in that back corner closet of our mind that seems to be used a lot, but never really thought about working through. We all have those thoughts that we assume everyone else has, so we assume it’s acceptable. And for most of us, these thoughts are things that we wouldn’t think about bringing to light to another person – let alone God.
For me these thoughts have always been comparison, jealousy, wondering if I’m enough – creative enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough. Things I’ve always assumed other’s thought too, so I assumed it was pretty human and unnecessary to talk about. My junk drawer was full of unhealthy problems with my self worth. I truly believed that keeping these thoughts in the back closet of my mind was a normal and extremely human thing to do. I truly believed that everyone else had thoughts like this too, and that made it normal.
What I’m beginning to believe is that this junk, is a lot like the stuff in my room. In need of digging through and undergoing a substantial deep clean. In need of the dramatic throwing of everything to my floor. But instead of sifting through all of the junk, throwing out what I think I wont need anymore, I need to let God investigate those thoughts. I need God to uncover severe brokenness that has created such a clutter of my thoughts, and in result, my life. I need God take all of these things out of the drawer, to let him sort through them, and to tell me exactly who I am after he has dealt with the junk.
Jesus culture sings a beautiful song that goes like this… You’re the healer of the sick and the broken. You are comfort for every heart in loss. Our King and our Savior forever. For eternity we will sing of all You’ve done. We sing, God with us, God for us. Nothing can come against, no one can stand between us. God with us, God for us. Nothing can come against, no one can stand between us. Your heart, it moves with compassion. There is life, there is healing in Your love. You’re the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit. For eternity we will sing of all You’ve done.
There is nothing more powerful than our God. There is nothing stronger, more overflowing with love, or compassionate. There isn’t another as empathetic, gracious, or wildly in love with YOU. God has been and always will be your biggest fan – and because of that, he will forever be in pursuit of you. I’m praying tonight that your heart can believe that God is for you, and that nothing can come against His power to heal your junk.